The NoLimits Blog

How to establish connection and trust with email

As we know, humans take the meaning of our communication from all the data available to us in a face to face interaction. We unconsciously process all the visual data and form our perceptions based on how the other person looks and the body language of a person and we take the real meaning from the tone, the way in which something has been said. The words that are used are also important, just not as significant as the visual and the tonal inferences we make for oursleves.

So much for 'high context communication'.

So what about the other end of the spectrum, the 'low context communication' of an email. Esentially, there is no data from which we normally prioritise our meaning. The email words alone, could even be said to carry no meaning. You are left to intuitively assume the senders intention and therefore their meaning. A risky business to be sure.

In this context then, how do you 'connect' with someone through email, how do you help the other person get a sense that they are dealing with someone "who gets it", dealing with a person they can know and trust - in short a person on the same wave-length as them?

First, it is important to recognise how we each write an email. We all compose our emails in a way which makes sense to us. When we do this, our own assumption is that we have 'got it right' - we believe we send the perfect, carefully crafted email.

How is it that our emails are sometime misunderstood, or the point that we so carefuly made went completely unnoticed.....

Next time you need to send an important email to someone (you will need to have had an email from them for this to work) try this:

Put aside your own 'right' way of doing an email - look at an email you got from them and as you compose your response, incorporate the following components:

1. Greeting, What did they use? Hi, Dear, no greeting. Whatever they used, you use.

2. Ending, again what did they use? Thanks, regards, best regards, warm regards. Whatever it was you use it too.

3. What email tone do they use? Formal, structured, logical, friendly, casual, direct. As painful as it may be for you... match this too.

4. Length? Long and verbose, short to the point? A blackberry fan who writes the email on the subject line? Again, as much as you may hate it, mirror exactly what they have done.

5. The actual words and any common phrases? Simply repeat - Use their own words right back!

6. Test and refine, based on what you notice back next time, adapt and further refine.

Dont believe it? Well take it as an experiment, test it out - you can always go back to your perfect way later on, just like everone else......

Exercise: Right Brain vs Left Brain Thinking

Try this exercise:

Stretch you arms out straight out in front of you. Form a triangle with you hands by putting your index fingers and thumbs together.

Then with both eyes open, centre the triangle formed by your hands on an object in the middle to far distance (more than about 6 meters at least) - this could be anything that you see, any object, a light fitting, switch, door handle, something on another building through the window, a tree, etc..

Now close your left eye. Does the oject remain centred in your hands, or does it suddenly move so it is not centred?

Open both eyes again - check object is centred again.

Now close your right eye. Does the oject remain centred in your hands, or does it move now?

Experiment with this for a while, until you get a sense of which eye is open when the image remains centred and which eye is closed for the image to move. (Tip: if you close both eyes you wont be able to see!)

If it moves for both eyes, either the object you chose is not far enough away, or you need to go and relax quietly somewhere, a drink might help.

The eye that is open when the object remains centred is your 'dominant' eye at that time. It is when you close you dominant eye, that the oject appears to move. When you close your non-dominant eye, the object stays centred.

This works because, assuming you have two eyes, there are actually two images - your brain gives priority to one image over the other.

So here is the theory, if your right eye is dominant, you are operating 'left brained' (all theorectcial and analytical) and if your left eye is dominant then you are being 'right brained' (all creative and intuitive).

Try it!

There is a theory that the processing can naturally shift, depending on what you are doing, irrespective of your natural bias.

You can try and shift it. Close your dominant eye, then centre the image and then open both eyes. At this stage the image will look non-centred, however you know that there is another image there. With both eyes open concentrate on seeing the other set of hands and the object centred - force the processing to the other eye. This may take a couple of minutes and might feel a little wierd, yet it can be done. If you feel a bit of a headache coming on - go and get that drink!

There is a method to brainstorming, I had forgotten...

A short creative thinking workshop for a leadership team, using brainstorming methodology:

ACCESS THE POWER OF YOUR CREATIVE THINKING FOR EFFECTIVE CHANGE

DEC 2009

Leader to introduce the context for today :
Short focussed and to the point about changing business conditions and new products.

Introduce warm up exercise – working in pairs, each pair needs some blank paper

Use a flip chart - Draw a circle – ask the group to draw a circle and divide it into two equal parts, (answer is obviously one line dissecting across the centre). Draw the answer on the flip chart after everyone has confirmed the answer.

Next draw an equilateral triangle (three sides same length) and ask teams to draw and divide into three equal parts. Let them think for a while. Answer is tricky for some - three lines from centre outwards to corners. Once again draw the answer on the flip chart after everyone has confirmed the answer.

Next draw a square and ask them to divide it into four equal parts (easy - two lines dissecting up and across to make four quarters). Once again draw the answer on the flip chart after everyone has confirmed the answer.

Now draw another square. Ask them to divide it into five equal parts. Give it time to see if anyone can break the pattern.

Ask for observations (The point is to demonstrate how the mind can get 'stuck' in a certain thought pattern.)

Now review the agenda below:
Our Agenda Today:

     * To recognise that change is coming and that more is required of us to challenging our traditional ways of thinking

    * Unlock our innate creativity and discover techniques to think outside the box

     * Apply these techniques and generate new ideas to consider and evaluate

     * To refresh our use of the Logical Levels model to determine how we need to help change happen and to choose who and how we need to be as a leadership team in this process.

Ask the group to discuss with their neighbour and then take a moment now to write down your own outcomes – what do they individually want to achieve today?

Go around the room and capture their outcomes on a flip chart – commenting on each point and if you will address that today or not and if not when and how

Say “Now let’s discuss what else would you like to achieve......” and invite to group to comment on their own outcomes and the outcomes already set – they will help you decide what to prioritise, add in or deal with later.

Now : Leader Introduction: The Context for Change in our organisation today.

Much more detailed, be open direct and reference the introductory exercise, give examples of what you don’t want the team to do and examples of what you do want the team to do in the coming year.

Say –take a moment to consider your answers to the two questions posed below:

What is it like for you when you think of making these changes.....

What might it be like for the organisation......

Facilitate a group discussion capturing the answers to these two questions above and then gathering their thoughts on WHY we need to change, as below:

What are the team’s thoughts on why we need to change?
    * 
    * 
    * 
    * 
    * 

Talk the group through this:
What is Change?

Dictionary definition:

‘To move from one state to another, to make different, to transform, to give a different position, course or direction.’

Change is constant.

Organisations do not change because of new processes, systems or structures. They change because the people adapt and change.

Only when people have transitioned, can organisations reap the benefits of change.

Change is instant, transition takes time and it is the change in the behaviours of people that ensures a successful change. Change requires the adaptation of people for the transition to be successful.

Three requirements exist for change to happen:

You or others must:

    * Want to change.
    * Know how to change.
    * Get or create the opportunity to change.

 Ask them individually to think of the following two questions:

Do you want to change?

What do you need in order to change?

Again capture the answers and comment on how we as a team can meet the identified needs

Also capture action items at this stage


Introduce this information:

Unlocking your natural creativity

Many people in corporate organisations fail to focus on the creative side of their brains because they become used to doing what they have always done.

If you do what you have always done, you will end up where you are going.

Over the years people in corporate organisations become more logical and less creative. If you change that strategy and create opportunities for creative thinking, you’ll surprise yourself at how easily you can generate new and extended ideas for growth.

Creativity is associated with right brain activity. Are you dominant right brain or left brain?

Exercise: Right Brain/ Left Brain Dominance And attempt at switching hemispheres
Exercise here: http://nolimits.typepad.com/the_nolimits_blog/2009/11/right-brain-vs-left-brain-thinking.html
 
How can we allow ourselves to be more right brained? Discuss these four points and ask the group for any other ideas they have or ground rules they want to set in the process.

1. Suspend judgment. This is the most important rule. When ideas are brought forth, no critical comments are allowed. All ideas are written down. Evaluation is to be reserved for later. We have been trained to be so instantly analytic, practical, convergent in our thinking that this step is very difficult to observe, but it is crucial. To create and criticize at the same time is like watering and pouring weed killer onto seedlings at the same time.

2. Think freely. Freewheeling, wild thoughts are fine. Impossible and unthinkable ideas are fine. In fact, in every session, there should be several ideas so bizarre that they make the group laugh. Remember that practical ideas very often come from silly, impractical, impossible ones. By permitting yourself to think outside the boundaries of ordinary, normal thought, brilliant new solutions can arise. Some "wild" ideas turn out to be practical, too.

3. Tag on. Improve, modify, build on the ideas of others. What's good about the idea just suggested? How can it be made to work? What changes would make it better or even wilder? This is sometimes called piggybacking, hitchhiking, or ping ponging. Use another's idea as stimulation for your own improvement or variation. As we noted earlier, changing just one aspect of an unworkable solution can sometimes make it a great solution.

4. Quantity of ideas is important. Concentrate on generating a large stock of ideas so that later on they can be sifted through. There are two reasons for desiring a large quantity. First, the obvious, usual, stale, unworkable ideas seem to come to mind first, so that the first, say, 20 or 25 ideas are probably not going to be fresh and creative. Second, the larger your list of possibilities, the more you will have to choose from, adapt, or combine. We will aim to repaper every wall with ideas.

What other ideas do we have that will enable the creativity to flow?

 
BREAK – have a good extended and relaxed break 20 mins should do

When people come back in get them all to sit in a different seat

SAY We will apply today three creative techniques, between each technique there will be an extended break for you to take time to think about the output on your own and then to discuss the output in a more relaxed context.

Split the team up into groups of 3-4 and ensure all have pens and flip chart paper

Technique Number 1: Challenging what we hold to be “TRUE”.

Working in groups of 3-4, with flipchart paper and multiple pens of different colours, you will need to capture the discussion and all the ideas generated, with no judgement about what should or should not be captured. i.e. capture everything.

Instruct each group is to spend 10-15 minutes on developing a list of 10 things that we hold to be true about our business today.

Once they have a list, each group will share their list with the whole team.

Next have about 20 small pieces of paper with numbers 1 – 10 on each piece, i.e. 2 no 1’s, 2 number 2,s 2 number 3’s etc – in a bag, box or hat

Each team picks a number.

Once they have that number they find their item on the list of what is TRUE and instruct them to NEGATE this fact, it is no longer true, in fact the opposite is true.

Now working as a group, brainstorming together they have to explore all the business implications of this being the case.

Against each implication they must generate ideas for how to realise that implication, these ideas must be captured on a flip chart. Allow 15-20 minutes, get the groups to share back their ideas.

Next switch lists between the groups and each group gets to pick a new number. (if that number has already been negated on the list they have, then they take another number) and repeat again sharing ideas at the end.

At the end of the exercise all flip charts generated are to be stuck on the walls, randomly mixed with other flip charts.

BREAK (20 minutes)

Technique Number 2: Generating New Ideas – The Power of Random

Again in groups of 3-4 (organised differently, they sit in new seats again after the break)

A topic relative to the your business today is to be assigned to each group – you will agree a list of topics and allocate them together.

This is a quick brainstorm on the hot priorities for the business – keep it simple and big picture items

Write the topics on a flip chart – assign or get the groups to pick a topic

When using the random words technique, follow these rules.

    * The random word should be a noun.
    * You cannot decide you don’t like the random word. You must use the word selected.
    * Random words may have multiple meanings/interpretations. Allow each individual participant to spend up to one minute writing all the possible interpretations they draw from this word to use in the group discussion.
    * Though finding a ‘connection’ – a bridging idea - between your random word and discussion point is useful, don’t be limited by this. Working in concepts and values, rather than simple associations, will improve your output – see below, when really stuck

If really need help ask groups to consider the following about the random word: (Have these headings on a flip chart and explain each)

   1. Extract a concept or principle from the stimulus and reuse it

    * How does it work? What does it achieve?
    * How does it achieve it?
    * What does the stimulus do?
    * In what order does it work?
    * Who is involved? and why?

2.  Extract a feature from the stimulus and reuse it

    * What are its physical attributes?
    * Why is it that shape?
    * What process is involved? and why?
    * Who is crucial to its success?
    * What is the timing of events?

3. Extract a positive attribute from the stimulus and try to replicate it

    * What is good about the stimulus?
    * Why is the stimulus good at what it does?
    * How does it succeed?
    * In what situations does it work best?

4. Extract the differences between the stimulus and the current solution

    * How do the stimulus and the current solution achieve the same thing, but in a different way?
    * Why does the stimulus do something one way and the current solution another?
    * What is the difference in physical characteristics?
    * What is the difference in process?
    * In what way are they used differently?

 The group needs to remember that their mission is pure idea generation, it doesn’t matter if the ideas actually work or not, or impossible or possible – just capture the ideas!

GENERATE A RANDOM WORD ONLINE

Again get groups to present back captured ideas and at the end of the exercise all flip charts generated are to be stuck on the walls, randomly mixed with all the other flip charts.


BREAK             - long break – different seats on return


Insert a warn up game here – eg pick one person to name a random object and then go round the room and collect one idea from everyone on a novel use for that random object, maybe do twice.

Technique No 3: Structured Brainstorming to apply to your list of business priorities

Explain:
We will use a structured brainstorming approach to draw out new ideas for ourselves to what we do today.

Our simple objective is the generation of ideas, the more wild the better!

The principles we will brainstorm together are: talk through, it doesn’t matter too much what these mean! – meanings will limit the brainstorm, simply each person is to take any meaning they like from each point.

Brainstorming Guidelines and techniques

VARY THE TECHNIQUE USED WHEN MOVING TO EACH CONCEPT

   1. Be the recorder. Someone must be put in charge of writing down all the ideas. The ideas should be written on flip chart papered walls so that the whole brainstorming group can see them.
   2.  Organize the chaos. Be the moderator - prefer those with ideas that tag onto previous ideas, then those with new ideas. If necessary the moderator will also remind members of the group not to inject evaluation into the session.
   3. Keep the session relaxed and playful. The creative juices flow best when participants are relaxed and enjoying themselves and feeling free to be silly or playful. Eat popcorn or pizza or ice cream or make paper airplanes or doodles while you work.
   4. Limit the session. A typical session should be limited to no more than thirty minutes.

Techniques:

   1. Stop and Go. For stop and go brainstorming, ideas are generated for three to five minutes. Then the group is silent (and thinking) for three to five minutes. Then ideas are given out for another three to five. This pattern alternates for the entire session.
   2.  Sequencing. In this technique, the moderator goes in order from one member of the group to the next in turn or sequence. Each member gives whatever ideas he then has, and they are written down. If a member has no ideas, he just says, "Pass," and the next member responds. This movement in turn or around the table continues throughout the session.

EXTENDED BREAK (LUNCH TIME, OR BETTER STILL OVER NIGHT)

GO AROUND THE ROOM – WHAT OTHER IDEAS HAVE COME TO YOU?

EITHER NEW OR BUILDING ON WHAT WE HAVE?

CAPTURE THESE ON A FLIP CHART AND ADD TO THE WALLS

NOW Have everyone go around the room and label as many ideas as they like with A, B, C in different colours as below
 
Idea Harvesting Process

1. A TYPE: Ideas useful and applicable now
2. B TYPE: Ideas that can be taken on and developed for future application
3. C TYPE: Ideas that are really interesting and you want to explore more even if you cant see the application now

Choose a different colour for each type – everybody gets to walk around the room and mark as many ideas as they like as A, B, or C.

Bringing it all together: Leadership Tools for Success in Change

Work through this next stage with the group – drawn the logical levels model on the flip chart and fill in each level

How to prepare yourself to be a team that can take and use these ideas to lead change

We can generally understand that the world in which we operate is continually changing. How can we most successfully acknowledge, embrace and adapt to change?

What would be different for you if you assumed that change is easy?

Achieving Successful Change

Often our goals are based on the expectations of others. Goals that are not our own will not have the same motivational effect as ones that we decide upon and own for ourselves. This inevitably leads to a hidden inner conflict. Unless resolved, these conflicts will result in goals not being achieved. The neurological levels can help you and your team to focus on a higher level of thinking and determine what it is that you really want.

Once your goals are aligned at all levels, they become much more easily achievable.

Asking the Right Questions

Environment: Where? When? With whom?

Behaviour: What?

Capabilities: How?

Beliefs and Values: Why?

Identity: Who? Who are you?

Purpose: For what? For whom?

Be the team who will leverage ideas to drive change WORK THROUGH THIS WITH THE WHOLE GROUP CONTRINUTING TO THE ANSWERS

The answers to the following questions at each level when asked about this team will help identify how change needs to happen.

Purpose

    * For what reason we here?
    * What would we like our contribution to others to be?
    * What do we bring to the world?
    * How would you like to be remembered?

Identity WORK THROUGH THIS WITH THE WHOLE GROUP CONTRINUTING TO THE ANSWERS

    * Who are we during this process of change?
    * Who will we be when this change is complete?
    * What kind of team are we? How do we describe ourselves?
    * What identities do we give others?
    * How would others describe us?
    * How do others know who you are during change?
    * How do see yourself, what do you feel, what do you say, during change?

Beliefs and Values WORK THROUGH THIS WITH THE WHOLE GROUP CONTRINUTING TO THE ANSWERS

    * Why do you and your team react in the ways you do during change?
    * What is important to you and your team during change? What will this change get you?
    * What do you believe in and value during change?
    * What do you believe to be right and wrong about the change?
    * What needs to be true for you to achieve what you want from this change?
    * When do you say “must” and “should” or “must not” and “should not”?
    * What do you believe about others/ the situation? Are these resourceful beliefs? What can you believe instead that will help you and others through this change?
    * What would others believe in your situation?

Capabilities and Skills SPLIT UP INTO THREE GROUPS ONE ON CAPABILITIES, ONE ON BEHAVIOURS ONE ON ENVIRONMENT HAVE EACH GROUP REPORT BACK

    * What skills have you learned that have served you well during change?
    * What have you become expert at that does not serve you so well during change?
    * Who do you know who knows how to do what you need, how could you learn from them?
    * Ask others what you and your team are good at.
    * What next? What capabilities do you now need once the change is implemented?

Behaviours SPLIT UP INTO THREE GROUPS ONE ON CAPABILITIES, ONE ON BEHAVIOURS ONE ON ENVIRONMENT HAVE EACH GROUP REPORT BACK

    * How do you and your team’s behaviours support our change goals change?
    * How do we need to align our behaviours with how we need to be after the change?
    * What habitual ways do we have and what patterns exist that will enable/ stifle change?
    * What do we notice about our own and others people’s words and sayings during change?
    * What do people look/ sound like during change?
    * What behavioural changes do we need for successful implementation?

Environment SPLIT UP INTO THREE GROUPS ONE ON CAPABILITIES, ONE ON BEHAVIOURS ONE ON ENVIRONMENT HAVE EACH GROUP REPORT BACK

    * Where do I/you/we work best? What kind of environment do we need after this change?
    * Which geographies do we want to explore?
    * Which people do we need to work with to make the change happen?
    * When will be the best times to make changes?
    * What systems, processes and procedures do we need to think about to support change and post the changes?

Team Action Planning Time Individually and then together to get a consolidated agreed list

Focus on these questions as a team.

What do we need to do to commit to change?

What do we need to do next, who needs to do what specifically and when do we need to do it?

 

Free Webinar: Extended DISC Be Thankful for Who You Are

Join host Kristin Mason with her guest Markku Kauppinen, President of Extended DISC North America, Inc.

Learn how to ensure you are not taking your strengths for granted..

Title: Free Webinar: Be Thankful for Who You Are

Date: Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Time: 1:30 PM - 2:00 PM CST,

After registering you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Webinar.

Space is limited.

Reserve your Webinar seat now at:
https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/779511296

Tips to Negotiate your job offer

Before you start, decide your walk in, walk-out salary – the going in position can be a range. Your walk out is the least you will accept, before turning down (find a number at which you will genuinely be prepared to walk away with no regrets).

State of mind: decide that this is simply the professional approach, you know your worth and you know what the likely pay scales will be for your peers in this organization, or other similar roles in other organizations.

Recognize: you have nothing to lose - you will manage this in a way that still enables you to accept the existing offer-  if that is your walk-out position, or that you will walk away leaving a good positive perception and your reputation intact. You can only gain from negotiating, you know, or can imagine, the long term impact to your future wealth and career of starting a salary that is genuinely too low.  

Be relaxed, open and to the point.  

Practice saying the next few things until you are comfortable to speak with relaxed professional confidence.  

Firstly thank them for the offer and the opportunity – say something positive about the role and the company   Then mix and match a blend from the following approaches, practice a form of words that you are comfortable with:  

1.       "As long we can agree a fair market value for the level of responsibilities that this role has, I am sure we can work out a reasonable arrangement, acceptable to us both”

2.       "I am very interested in this offer. I need to have some clarification. Do you think that this offer is a fair market price given the responsibilities of the position and my talents?"

3.       "Thank you for the offer. I am very excited about working for you, because this is my first choice at the moment and knowing that the going rate at this level is around_________ and based on my experience and skills match, I was looking for a basic salary in the range of ........ to ..............; What is possible here for you?”  

Give them the option of reviewing your request and coming back to you later. You could say something like “I know you will need to have time to discuss/think about this and I would welcome a further discussion myself.”  

Firm up a commitment to get back to you, ask something like “would you be able to come back with your thoughts on a revised offer this week, or next week?”  

If they flat refuse to negotiate, then you have a couple of options:  

Ask, “who else do you recommend I talk to, to clarify the seniority and responsibilities of the role” and/or you need to say, something like “Well, thank you for considering me for this position, I also need a couple of days to think about this further, I will come back to you with my decision on…… How would you like me to communicate my decision?”.  

Finally if you do reject – do it in writing; be professional – you can use some of the words above and leave the door open to a revised offer “I would be happy to discuss this further with you at any time”.

If you do get to have another conversation, with the hiring manager or HR, you have at least two options:  

Say you that you have been impressed by the company, that the role really excites you and that you do not feel that the offer reflects the responsibilities of the role and/or you don’t feel incentivized to move and/or motivated by the offer – ask what options exist to help you make the right decision…..  

Or, say you have been impressed by the company and the role really excites you and regrettably the offer doesn’t meet your expectations in relation to the responsibilities of the role and that you would like a couple of days to consider whether to accept or not.  

Say that you understand the hiring manager may need to also take some time to consider what options exist.   Either approach may get you into a discussion on “what would it take?”, in which can be prepared with a range, and/or a suggested level of other options, such as bonus level, pension contributions, sign on bonus, etc, i.e other things that may be easier for a company to engineer.  

Remember there is nothing to lose, you still leave the door open to go back and say that in view of your excitement for the role you have decided to take this great opportunity anyway, or to politely reject and say that you will explore other opportunities – remember to include that you would be happy to discuss this decision further (this is the real hardball approach – they have a potential opportunity cost of not taking you on – of finding another good person, who they may even have to pay more for….)